You Were Never Not Good Enough: Healing the Invisible Wound of Complex PTSD

Embracing self-worth through self-compassion and kindness.

Many people living with complex PTSD come into therapy carrying a heavy, unspoken belief: “I’m broken. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to be here.” Sometimes we are aware of our beliefs and it’s named outright; other times, it shows up as a gnawing discomfort in social situations—like a constant feeling of not belonging.

What Am I Believing?

A powerful question to explore in therapy (and in life) is: “What am I believing right now?” When we are triggered by a conflict or a difficult situation, we can pause and ask:

• What am I believing about myself?

• What am I believing about how others see me?

Often, these beliefs are distorted—they feel absolute, painful, and oppressive. But by gently turning them over, we begin to see they were conclusions formed long ago, under conditions where you did the best you could.

It Wasn’t You Who Was Broken

As children, many of us made sense of neglect, chaos, or emotional absence by turning the blame inward: “If things went wrong, it must mean something’s wrong with me.”The truth? It was the situation—or the adults—that failed, not the child. You were never unworthy. You were not disposable. You were good enough from the very beginning.

In compassion-focused therapy, the aim is to meet that wounded “inner child” with empathy—not criticism. To nurture her, protect her, and give her the understanding she should have had.

Self-Compassion for Complex PTSD: A Healing Practice

For someone with complex PTSD, compassion isn’t just a feel-good mantra—it’s a rewiring process. You learn to meet yourself with gentleness, to recognize your struggles as part of the human condition, and to observe pain with clarity rather than being swallowed by it. It is learning to respond to yourself and your struggle in the way you always longed to be responded to, but for whatever reason, your caregivers were unable to.

A Guided Self-Compassion Pause

The next time you feel shame or “not enoughness” rise, try this:

1. Pause and Breathe – Place a hand over your heart or on your cheek. Feel your breath moving in and out.

2. Name What’s Happening – Silently say: This is a moment of suffering. If you feel the presence of an inner wounded or sad child - welcome the child part and acknowledge her struggle.

3. Remember You’re Not Alone – Whisper: I am here with you and you don’t need to struggle with this all on your own.

4. Offer Yourself Kindness – Ask: What do I need right now? What does the inner child need to hear? Then respond as you would to a dear friend.

You Belong. You Deserve Joy.

The goal isn’t to become perfect. It’s about returning to what was always your birthright: a sense of belonging, the freedom to enjoy life, and the knowledge that you are worthy, simply because you exist.

You don’t need to earn your worth—you just need to remember it. With time, compassion, and curiosity, you can reclaim a life steeped in connection, confidence, and belonging.

If these words resonate with you, know that healing is possible—and you don’t have to walk this path alone. Whether through therapy, self-compassion practices, or quiet moments of reflection, you can begin to reconnect with the truth of your worth. You were never not good enough. When you're ready, take the next step toward the care and support you deserve.